That episode. The one when our gallant hero was reduced to…

Driving school.

“Oh, good morning, Speed Racer!” -Kensi

It’s true. G Callen has never had a problem with speed. “Zoom-zoom-zoooooom” might be a sound we are used to hearing from his car’s vicinity. And, rightly so, the man has gotten to drive some pretty sweet cars! Sweet cars are meant to be driven at the speed limit’s capacity and take corners with lean. There is no blame being passed here. Nope.

Allow us to put this raw car power that Callen faces into words:

 “As a person who enjoys taking corners a leetle bit faster than one should, I completely believe someone with Callen’s parade of cars could get a ticket here and there (or more). I drive in the country with long roads and no traffic. To be stuck in the city with traffic cams and crowded roads would be torture. When one finally gets the chance to open her up and let her rip, that’s when the cops catch you. Imagine what those cars could do! It’s like putting a race horse in knee deep mud, a speed boat in a creek, or having a governor on an engine. You could go so much faster… Instead, you longingly stare at the speedometer and drop it out of Overdrive and into 3. And sigh.” –Bee

This may be why we find the time that Callen was sentenced to driving school slightly unfair. In fact, our Callen Corner Dream Team is of the opinion that G is actually a good, safe driver. (Is there anything he isn’t good at?) This driving school sentence from Ms. Henrietta Lange may simply have been to teach a lesson not easily forgotten…

And maybe it did.

Let’s recap.

“Even Eric has fun in this episode driving around on a Segway. With a serious note to the case the team has been assigned to work on, Hetty has a wicked sense of humor when she enrolled Callen into traffic school.

Sam and Callen’s banter pushes Callen deeper into a hole when he’s trying hard to reason with Hetty, that he was chasing a suspect when he got caught speeding. G had just arrived back into the mission with Kensi, finishing off their donuts, with none left for Sam. Sam’s quote, “No donut, no love.” is a classic.

Sixteen hours of in-class study, for Callen, was due to the fact it was his third conviction of speeding in the past eighteen months. There was no getting around it for Callen this time. But, it’s not just any traffic school Hetty has enrolled him into: it’s a comedy one. Oh, the dread on Callen’s face; there definitely was no humor there.

Humor emits from this episode of traffic school immediately from the moment Callen enters the classroom. Callen is sitting at the back of the classroom, when the teacher walks in. Callen knows he’s in for a very painful two days, when the teacher Mr. Loobertz tells the class they’ve “put the cool in school.” Callen responds with, “Wouldn’t that be chool?” Mr. Loobertz replies, “The H is silent.” Callen mutters in response, “I’m in ell.” It’s perfect timing when a gorgeous blonde in a tight, short dress arrives and takes the desk beside Callen. Callen’s look of hope upon seeing her adds to the already hilarious situation.

If you thought it couldn’t get any funnier, or painful, for the seasoned Federal Agent, think again. He’s trying to work on the street racing case, while half-listening to the dude up front. (How anyone could have sat in that classroom with such a serious face, is beyond me. I would have been crying from laughing so hard at the teacher.) Then, Callen is pulled to the front to drive a small plastic red car. Could it get any worse? If any of his team saw what he was forced to do, he would never have lived it down. Callen likened the traffic school to the Libyans taking he and Sam off the trawler (not sure of this horrible back-story, rest-assured it was awful), but with singing and puppets.

Yet it is being at traffic school that helps Callen solve a part of the mystery on the case: the fact that no car modified for street racing can have insurance. He stops what he’s doing and calls his team, much to the teacher’s disappointment.

At the end of driving school, you can see Callen is struggling to refuse the trip to the Bahamas with the swimsuit model. So, the case is solved, sad as it was, due to the victim’s sister trying hard to get her brother to stop street racing. Callen is feeling relieved his two painful days of traffic school are over, however, Hetty informs him, he failed the test. Poor Callen. You’ve got to feel for him, don’t you? He failed because his mind was on the case, not traffic school. The teasing he received from his team mates made him wish he had taken the model up on her offer.” –Vicki

 The facial expressions from Callen are priceless. Did he really have to say anything to defend himself after failing the driving school final exam? Pretty sure the disgusted look on his face said it all.

“One of my favorite scenes in Full Throttle is when they are chasing Stringer and G keeps quoting from the California Driving Manual and subsequently completely annoys Sam, who’s concentrating on driving. Hilarious! I wonder why G failed the test as he seems to know the traffic rules so well? And since he failed the test, I wonder if “Mr. Walinski” had to go back to the “Fun for All Traffic School” with Mr. Loobertz. Another two days in “ell” for G?” –ChrisDaisy

Driving school again? We should all have the shivers for Callen…

“The look on G’s face in “Tin Soldier” when he sees the blinking lights of the motorcycle cop behind him (not yet realizing it was Sam)? The look was pure “you’ve got to be kidding me.” I imagine the nightmare of driving school was flashing before his eyes.” –Mary

I’m sure he was a flashbacking to the dreaded driving school. And, I’m actually wondering if the puppets, singing, and toy cars scarred Callen so bad that he has been driving a little safer these days…

Either way, Callen is too cool for driving school. Let’s hope he never has to go back.

 

 

Thanks to Callen’s Corner Dream Team Members: AJ, Bee, ChrisDaisy, Mary (justdreaming-83), Richtsje, Serena, Vicki